A Marriage Announcement.
She talked and talked and talked about Him. Not just with us…but with complete strangers too. People at the park. Family. Every topic that came up could somehow b turned back to Christ. It was refreshing to be around her. A complete delight.
Meanwhile during my time at work I have shown a bit more of my crazy side. Every topic can somehow be turned to Rafa and if I am not talking about him, chances are I ‘m thinking about him. The ladies there tell me that its because I’m in love…but not to worry, they where the same way when the first got married, but that it has passed. And that it would pass for me too. It would be nothing but sad to lose the delight of that first love.
But then I stop. Think. Where is my delight for my True Love?
We have three expressions of this Spanish word in English.
Waiting. Hoping. Expecting.
If one word had to be selected to describe the duration of mine and Rafa’s relationship, esperando would be it. Some of the most wonderful things in life are difficult. Last April we sat down on my last evening in Mexico, barely talking because of the tears that were on the brink of flowing. We had full hearts and a million thoughts. We were about to journey into the unknown…the unknown can be, and was, a fearful thing. He bent his head down on top of his knees and I saw wet specks begin to fall. We sat close but with no contact for I do not know how long. Thinking, wondering what to say, silently pouring our hearts before our Creator. He clasped my hand and spoke for the first time. But he was not speaking to me. He took us to the Throne. To the One who knew, the One who holds all, the One who brought us together. Rafa admitted our weakness asked for His will, for Him to keep us, to teach us, to use us for Him. That come what may we would praise Him.
Being apart feels horrible, but God has created something wondrous in it, through it, because of the distance.
It brought us to HIM and that has brought us together.
…oh how to describe him. There are so many wonderful things that I could list off…his dashing good looks, his easing temperament, his love for people, his thoughtfulness, his gift of meeting people were they are, seeing their needs and taking care of it before they even realize they have the need, the humility he has to admit when he is wrong, and his sincerity in asking for forgiveness, his love for good hard work, taste appreciation for good music, his ability to live with nothing, his interest in technology, his generosity, love for the outdoors, his handyman skills, how children flock to him and old ladies adore him, his cute bashfulness, his innovativeness, charm, protectiveness, love of family, unique sense of humor, teaching spirit….
….and well, I could go on. I happen to be a fan and getting to know him more is one of my favorite pass times.
…but painting a picture of someone with words never is sufficient. A person created by God, growing and changing in Him, and living out His purpose. It takes more than a lifetime to know get to know someone like that. And I have the privilege of spending my life with him!
I woke up and attempted to gain focus. Where in the world was I? I heard murmuring that I could not comprehend. I dressed and wondered what I should do next. I peeped out the metal door and discovered a room full of happenings. The table was packed with people, others where standing, and still more milling around filling up the table with food. Even though I was completely awake at this point, I still did not understand what was going on or what was being said. Everyone was chattering in a language that I had come to that place to learn: Spanish. I was introduced to each face around the table one-by-one, being told I was going to be given a quiz later. I acted like I got each one down, but I really had no idea what any of them where named. I had meet a couple of them, including the only two girls, the night before. The rest remained a mystery. As soon as they ate, they all left and suddenly the house was empty with the exception of the aging couple who lived there. I had no idea what to do, so I began to clear dishes, but I was told to leave them for later. A young couple with three young kids, including a baby showed up and we all pilled into the Suburban. We drove a little ways, then started up a mountain side. On the way up we picked up walkers, offering them a ride to top. A small church building with hundreds of people gathered around the outside waited for us at the top.
I offered to hold the baby. I had always used them as security blankets when I did not want any attention but on me. Plus this one was sweet and hardly cried. Someone a few feet away caught my attention. One of the guys who had eaten at the house that morning…oh what was his name? Who knew. I certainly didn’t. He clapped his hands together, then held out his arms, indicating that he wanted the baby. I shook my head with a resolved “No!". No way was he taking my security blanket... I was quite content as I was.
Little did I know that young man would steal my heart and in a little under 16 months later he would be taking me as his bride.
The glass windows are fogged over with early morning dew as the bells rock back and forth.
Ding Dong. Ding Dong. Ding Dong.
Soon they die down as the stillness of morning seeps in. Deep breathing from sleep comes from the other room. There is no other sound than the rhythmic clicking of the keyboard.
Sleep has alluded me since the wee hours of the morning when I slipped on my shoes, attempted with no avail to quietly open the metal door that leads outside, finding my way to the bathroom in the glow of the light that steeps into the courtyard from the street.
Yet again a time has come in my life in which I jump into the unknown....this next phase of my life has many a question mark in my mind and I long for the answers. But yet again they are not mine to have. I have waited and waited to see this happen, to take this step, or rather to be lead there... and I am walking, running, towards it with joy.
Tomorrow I marry my amor. I become his and he becomes mine. A commitment for a lifetime and a love for eternity. I will accept a privilege that God made only for me...being the wife of Rafael Diaz Carrera.
That would be the question the past few months. And while I have started many a post, I never got around to pushing the “publish” button. Writing is an outlet for me. My own thoughts become clearer with the process and decisions become easier to make, or at least the correct choice more obvious. Blogging also provides an organized way to look back on what has happened as well as anticipate what is coming down the pike. People can keep up with the goings on in my life without even having to speak with me….
…and there is where the negative enters. I have used my blog to allow people to keep up with me without actually entering into their lives. People who have been placed there and who I should make the effort to keep up with. But in far too many cases laziness wins the day. People begin to believe that they know me…and know about me they may, but the actual relationship does not exist. I know…I do the same thing with the blogs that I read. The writers have no idea who I am, but I feel as though I have a part in their lives because I see a few pictures and read a few penned words.
My life has been going through a time of change, development, excitement, and discovery, and I, with great anticipation, am looking forward to the next phase of life, but loving where I have been placed for now. I have just crossed the threshold of the beginning of a life as a wife, living in a (somewhat) new-to-me country, in a language that is not from my mother, with new relationships as well as continuing the old. There is so much I have to learn, discover, and mess up. And much grace, understanding, and love to be received.
And that I believe is worth sharing, even given my own short coming comings…
So let’s begin!